A professor in school years ago made a point which has stuck: There is no perfect position, every position has strengths and weaknesses. When we argue for our position, we argue the strength of ours which lines up with the weaknesses of the other side and makes our position look strong. However, the other side also has strengths, which line up with the weaknesses of our own position. The end result is when two sides argue, they seldom talk to one another.

Perhaps no area shows this more right than politics. Listening to either side will give one the impression that there is only one right position to consider and all others are wrong. Both sides in the political environment we have been in for several years now are guilty of this, both sides ignore the weaknesses inherent in their position and speak authoritatively for their position and denigrate their opposition.

Unfortunately, this shuts down dialogue and entrenches division. This creates an Us vs. Them climate and ignores opportunity for a broader approach which may also help to prevent unforeseen problems from happening. This scenario will then deepen the divide and promote polarizing parties and leave the minority with little recourse to achieve their idea of right. So, if the leading party is not able to do all it wants to do unimpeded, it can then paint the other side as obstructionist, making the problem worse.

In his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey identified traits among those he interviewed. Two of these traits are relevant to this problem. First, he found that highly effective people seek first to understand, then to be understood. If we know others are taking the time to understand us, we will not need to yell and scream, rather we can discuss and both sides will understand one another and all can find fair representation in the final decision.

The second trait (or habit) which is appropriate here is that of seeking a win/win solution. It is possible that in seeking to win, we could end up losing. This seems to be happening a lot in politics, and the reaction of both sides is to point blame at the other side.

The reality is, we need each other, if for no other reason than to keep us in balance so we do not get so full of ourselves that we lose sight of the consequences of our choices. Practicing these habits (along with his 5 other habits) in our marriages, families, at work and civic areas, we can begin a process of establishing habits that can serve us all. If we can do this, perhaps then we can influence our politicians and elected officials to do the same and end this entrenched partisanship in which there are more losers than winners. Perhaps then we can move forward together towards a time of true solutions to the challenges that face us all.

Andy & Julie

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